Reading can help us understand and learn ways to manage our mental health and emotional well-being. Different authors have various styles and offer different perspectives. Feel free to take in the information that resonates with you and leave the rest.

Below are a few book suggestions that you can add to your bookshelf or audio-book collection:

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle
by Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

Atlas of the Heart
By Brene Brown 

Think Like a Monk 
By Jay Shetty 

Boundary Boss 
By Terri Cole 

Happy Reading!

Please note that these book suggestions are self-help options and resources to provide information about specific topics. They are not meant to replace treatment and/or the advice of a healthcare professional.

We feel connected to others when we feel heard and understood. Seeing as we only have control over how we participate in conversations and none over how others participate, this post is intended for us to reflect on how effectively we listen to others. 

Take a minute and ask yourself – How do you show up in conversations?
Do you tend to be a listener, a talker, or an observer?
Do you open up and lean into vulnerability?
Are you one that takes control of the conversation?
Do you feel energized or drained after conversations? 

It’s important to be mindful in our listening and in holding space for others. We can do this by bringing awareness to our own contributions to conversations. 

• Interrupting- If you interrupt others or talk over them, you are not listening, nor are you being present in the moment. You are trespassing on the safe space of sharing. When we interrupt others, especially when they need to talk or vent, we are interrupting their process, their digestion, and their flow of their own way of working through their feelings. Strategy- Allow there to be a pause or take a deep breath before you respond. Silence in conversation doesn’t have to be awkward. 
• Waiting to talk- If you are waiting your turn to talk or figuring out your response while the other person is still talking, you are not listening; you are preparing for your turn to speak. This does not allow you to be there for the other person because you are focused on what you want to say rather than on what is being said. Strategy- reflect back to the other person what you heard and validate their feelings. For example, you could say, “I can understand why you are feeling angry about the situation.” 
• Advice giving- If you tend to offer solutions in a conversation, you may want to take a step back and focus on whether the person is actually asking for advice or simply asking to be heard. When we do provide advice, sometimes it is based on what we would do for ourselves through the lens of our own experiences. Our advice doesn’t take into account the other person’s perspective. Strategy – You can ask the other person what they need or how best to support them- are they looking for advice/ solutions or someone to listen and feel heard?
• Positivity- We often want the other person to feel better and to ease their pain and sometimes we will use positive statements such as, “you have so much to be grateful for”, “it’s not a big deal”, or “think good thoughts”. However, when we sprinkle overly positive words, not only are we not allowing the other person to share their feelings, we are dismissing them by telling them how they should feel. It is not realistic to be overly positive and happy about every experience in life. We want to be able to experience all our emotions, not just the ones that are comfortable. In fact, being overly positive can be an avoidance technique to avoid the discomfort of tougher emotions. Strategy- acknowledge and validate the hurt, pain, and tough emotions the other person is feeling. For example, “It’s okay that you feel angry and hurt at this moment.”
• Pressure to perform- Often we put pressure on ourselves to have the perfect response or to say the right thing. We may think that having the best advice, the most thoughtful response, or the most intelligent question to ask makes us really good at conversations. However, the pressure to perform the best in conversations actually makes the task harder. It can be anxiety provoking, less authentic and genuine, just like any other performance. Strategy- Be yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. It’s okay if you don’t know what to say. You can be honest and share that. Say something like, “I’m not sure what to say at this moment, but I can keep listening.”

As you reflect on how you show up in conversations, you can take a couple of these strategies to try out in your upcoming conversations. Any communication skill requires practice to refine just like any other skill. Be patient with yourself and continue to build on strategies while you are being mindful of your own contributions. 

As Dale Carnegie once said, “To be interesting, be interested.”

Bookends are meant to hold your books in place, keeping them upright, and aligned.

What are the bookends to your day that help you stay grounded, aligned, and resilient?   

Starting your day can include intention:

How do you want to show up today?
What vibe do you want to have?
What is your hope for the day? 

And, 

Ending your day can include some reflection:

What was a feel-good moment?
What are you grateful for today?
What can you release before the day ends?

Change can be difficult. There is often the element of the unknown and the discomfort that comes with change. We may feel some unstable footing in stepping from our comfort zone to something new and unfamiliar. Whatever change we may be thinking about in life, whether it be in lifestyle, career, family, or habits, we often fall short on the follow through and taking consistent action. 

Sometimes we know what we need to do to achieve the goal we want. For example, the foods we need to eat, the activity we need to pursue, the conversation we need to have, the action we need to take, or the thing we need to stop. Yet, taking action can be the hardest part. The motivation can be the toughest first step. Thinking about the consistent follow-through that is needed for the change to occur can be daunting.

Fear and unpredictability are reasons we may want to stay where we are and avoid the change. We may feel a sense of loss because we may have to give something up for the change to occur. For example, giving up time with family or friends to make time for a new activity. By reflecting on what is keeping you from the change you would like to make, you can look at why the change you desire is important or meaningful to you, and consider the payoff that may occur with the discomfort. 

It may be helpful to look at the obstacles standing in the way of change.

Reflect on: 

What are the benefits of staying in the current situation and what are the benefits of changing?
What is keeping you where you are?
What might you be fearful of with change?
Is the fear of change greater than the desire of the outcome?
What do you feel you might have to give up or lose when the change occurs?

The value of  human life has been at the forefront of this pandemic. Perhaps you have been in survival mode for a number of months, maybe you have oscillated between thriving and surviving, or maybe during this pandemic you have had many grateful and insightful moments. Nonetheless it has been a time like never before. Whatever your experience(s) during this time, the pandemic has challenged the way we do things as individuals, families, communities, society and the global world. 

Here are some questions to reflect on, things to ponder, or journal about for 2021: 

• 1. What does health and well-being mean to you? 
  2. How do you take care of your time? 
  3. What does connection with yourself and others look like? 
  4. What moments have been the most meaningful? 
  5. What is your intention for 2022? 

Reading can help us understand and learn ways to manage our mental health and emotional well-being. Different authors offer different styles and perspectives on a range of topics. Feel free to take in the information that resonates with you and leave the rest.

Below are a few book suggestions to add to your bookshelf or audiobook collection for the Fall season:

Set Boundaries, Find Peace  
By Nedra Glover Tawwab

Self- Compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. 
By Kristin Neff 

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyways 
By Susan Jeffers

The Gifts of Imperfection
By Brene Brown 

Happy Reading!

Please note that these book suggestions are self-help options and provide general information about specific topics. They are not meant to replace treatment and/or the advice of a healthcare professional.

When we have physical wounds that are not attended to, we bleed everywhere. Without a band aid, medical attention, and proper care, we can’t always guarantee appropriate healing and neglect may increase a chance of further pain and infection. In the same way, emotional wounds can “bleed” as well.

When we don’t take care of our psychological hurts, they can lead to increased fears, ruminating negative thoughts, and more emotional pain and suffering towards ourselves as well as others. With physical wounds we can see the blood, we can see the scar, and it is tangible. Emotional wounds are sometimes less obvious and can include traumas, negative experiences, and difficult moments. They require checking in with yourself, not avoiding your feelings, self-reflection, and noticing how past experiences may be impacting your current relationships and daily functioning.

If you’re struggling, you may want to consider therapy, speaking with your doctor about medications, or a combination of both to heal from those wounds. To check- in with emotional wounds, ask yourself:

– What is hurting?
– What do you avoid thinking about?
– What emotions have you avoided feeling?
– What have you buried?
– What impact has the hurt had on you or your relationships?
– What activities or behaviors do you engage in to escape from painful emotions and thoughts?

In taking care of our physical health we have different approaches to what our bodies can ingest, what our capabilities and abilities are, what our bodies are allergic to, and what sensitivities we may have. In addition, based on our individual physical health, our bodies may have different strengths and abilities. 

In the same way, our mental health is impacted by our individual vulnerabilities, sensitivities, experiences, beliefs and fears, which in turn affects our mental and emotional well-being. 

To attend to our physical health we might adopt a food regimen, develop a workout routine,  hire a personal trainer, or make time to rest. We can take care of our mental and emotional health by talking about our struggles, connecting with others, going to therapy, and/or taking medication. 

Regardless of our health goals consistency is key to achieve the results we want, whether it is healing from a physical or psychological injury, learning a new skill, or unlearning what does not work for us anymore. When we experience an emotional or psychological injury, just as with a physical injury, it takes time to heal. 

What tends to reinforce society’s stigma around mental health is that, unlike many physical injuries, emotional or psychological injuries are invisible to the eye. This can make it difficult to understand mental health, and because emotional issues are often very personal, we may judge ourselves or others for having them. As a result, they stay hidden, invisible and sometimes buried, which only compounds the injury.  

The chart below is a brief comparison between physical, mental and emotional health. 

In the spirit of Mental Health Awareness Month, take care of your mind and heart!