This blog post is a follow up to our previous post “A snapshot of anxiety”.

You will find examples of behaviors and thought patterns that may show up when we are feeling anxious. This is not a diagnostic criteria for anxiety or an anxiety disorder, but rather signs and symptoms that may be related to feelings of anxiety.

If you or someone you know may be experiencing anxiety that is interfering with your daily life, I encourage you to seek out support from a psychologist or your family doctor.

Behaviors related to anxiety may include:

• Impulsivity, actions without thought
• Over or under eating 
• Over or under sleeping
• Withdrawal from friends or family
• Fidgeting, unable to sit still 
• Lack of attention or focus, forgetfulness  
• Overthinking or racing thoughts
• Needing to be overly busy and productive
• Avoidance
• Rigidity, perfectionism 
• Difficulty slowing down and being still

Thought patterns related to anxiety may include:

• A sense of urgency 
• Worrying about judgment from others 
• A sense of worry or dread on a regular basis 
• Negative thought patterns
• Wanting things to go perfectly 
• Fear- based thoughts (ex., fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of missing out, fear of upsetting others) 

Some coping strategies that may help with anxious feelings can include:

• Deep Breathing/ Mindfulness
• Physical activity
• Journaling/ Writing down your thoughts
• Art- Drawing/ Painting
• Reducing time on your phone/ social media
• Keeping a routine 
• Being kind to yourself with self-compassion 
• Engaging in therapy 

If you would like to book an appointment with us, please contact us via our website.

In the spirit of Mental Health Awareness, here are some common myths about therapy. 

1- Therapy is advice giving

Therapy is not advice. Engaging in therapy allows you to explore your emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors surrounding a specific issue. Rather than only offering possible solutions or actions that could and should be taken, therapy involves processing and understanding your experiences and how they may be impacting your daily life.

2- Therapy is only about your childhood

Therapy can be about your childhood, but it can also be about your current situation and how you are functioning today. However, experiences from our childhood can affect how we see the world and how we see ourselves, which may affect the choices, behaviors, and relationships we have today. 

3-  Therapy is only helpful in crises

Therapy is beneficial not only in crisis situations but also throughout life. The purpose of therapy is to improve the emotional and mental health of a person. If we do preventative (or maintenance) work as well as ongoing work on the things that are happening in day-to-day life, it can definitely help prevent mental health crises, or decrease the frequency and severity of them. Therapy on an ongoing basis can prevent mental and emotional flare ups and wounds. 

4-  Therapy is for the weak

People who engage in therapy have the courage and the bravery to talk about their experiences and feelings, and the life events that have affected them. People who engage in therapy show vulnerability when they acknowledge that they’ve been emotionally injured in some way, which is a strength rather than a weakness. Those who view therapy as a negative or a weakness often struggle with vulnerability and the courage to talk about their feelings,  as well as making themselves a priority. Those who seek therapy also believe that they want something different for themselves and are looking for ways to create some change in their lives, which requires strength to acknowledge and work through. 

5- A Psychologist is a paid friend

A psychologist is not a friend. They are to provide you with emotional safety as well as confidentiality in your session. Even though your therapeutic relationship may provide relief and ease similar to a friendship, it is not a two-way relationship where you know information about  your psychologist or are expected to meet their needs. In addition, feeling heard and being seen by a friend can feel therapeutic. However, these two relationships are not the same.

A psychologist has completed training and has studied the brain and human behavior. They are qualified to diagnose mental illness and use a variety of therapy skills and interventions to treat various mental and emotional health issues.  A psychologist’s role is to guide and support you through your emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors to best assist you in your journey to heal from whatever is causing you pain and suffering. They are there to validate, support, and provide education as needed. 

Although friends and family are often well-intentioned and invested in your emotional well-being and the outcome of your pain;  they may also share the same perspective as you, they may not see your blind spots, or the root of your pain . Psychologists provide an unbiased, objective, and non-judgemental space so that you can connect with your inner wisdom.

If you would like to book an appointment with us, please contact us via our website. 

Reading can help us understand and learn ways to manage our mental health and emotional well-being. Different authors have various styles and offer different perspectives. Feel free to take in the information that resonates with you and leave the rest.

Below are a few book suggestions that you can add to your bookshelf or audio-book collection:

Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness
By Pooja Lakshman

The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power
By Katherine Morgan Schafler 

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
By James Clear 

The Origins of You: How Breaking Family Patterns Can Liberate the Way We Live and Love
By Vienna Pharaon

Happy Reading!

Please note that these book suggestions are self-help options and resources to provide information about specific topics. They are not meant to replace treatment and/or the advice of a healthcare professional.

Inventory: 

1. What do you typically use screen time for? (gaming, TV, social media, online shopping, etc)
2. How many hours do you typically spend in front of a screen per day? 
3. How do you typically feel after a lengthy period of screen time? 
4. How does screen time affect your productivity, inspiration, or motivation? 
5. Does screen time affect your daily needs? (such as quality of sleep, meals times, connection with others, and quality of thoughts)
6. What could you change about your screen time that could improve your daily life by 10% ?

Some strategies may include:

• Putting your phone in another room or more than arm’s length away for a difficult automatic reach
• Ending screen time an hour before bed.
• Setting a timer for gaming and social media use
• Keeping your phone out of sight when engaging in conversations
• Using a traditional alarm rather than your phone 

Reflecting on your screen time can assist you in reevaluating what’s helping or hindering aspects of your daily life.

If you would like to book an appointment, please contact us via our website. 

We, at Essence Psychology, have been transitioning our practice to offer in-person sessions post- covid era and we are looking forward to this new season.

Summer is often viewed as a time for a yearly reset, relaxation, exploration, and adventure.

Here are some questions to reflect on, things to ponder, or journal about for the summer season:

1. How are you coping post-covid? 
2. What do you enjoy the most/ least about the summer? 
3. How do you recharge your energy and capacity in the summer? 
4. What is one thing you would like to try for the first time this summer? 

Wishing you a fabulous summer season!

If you would like to book an appointment with us, please contact us via our website. 

Reading can help us understand and learn ways to manage our mental health and emotional well-being. Different authors have various styles and offer different perspectives. Feel free to take in the information that resonates with you and leave the rest.

Below are a few book suggestions that you can add to your bookshelf or audio-book collection:

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle
by Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

Atlas of the Heart
By Brene Brown 

Think Like a Monk 
By Jay Shetty 

Boundary Boss 
By Terri Cole 

Happy Reading!

Please note that these book suggestions are self-help options and resources to provide information about specific topics. They are not meant to replace treatment and/or the advice of a healthcare professional.

We feel connected to others when we feel heard and understood. Seeing as we only have control over how we participate in conversations and none over how others participate, this post is intended for us to reflect on how effectively we listen to others. 

Take a minute and ask yourself – How do you show up in conversations?
Do you tend to be a listener, a talker, or an observer?
Do you open up and lean into vulnerability?
Are you one that takes control of the conversation?
Do you feel energized or drained after conversations? 

It’s important to be mindful in our listening and in holding space for others. We can do this by bringing awareness to our own contributions to conversations. 

• Interrupting- If you interrupt others or talk over them, you are not listening, nor are you being present in the moment. You are trespassing on the safe space of sharing. When we interrupt others, especially when they need to talk or vent, we are interrupting their process, their digestion, and their flow of their own way of working through their feelings. Strategy- Allow there to be a pause or take a deep breath before you respond. Silence in conversation doesn’t have to be awkward. 
• Waiting to talk- If you are waiting your turn to talk or figuring out your response while the other person is still talking, you are not listening; you are preparing for your turn to speak. This does not allow you to be there for the other person because you are focused on what you want to say rather than on what is being said. Strategy- reflect back to the other person what you heard and validate their feelings. For example, you could say, “I can understand why you are feeling angry about the situation.” 
• Advice giving- If you tend to offer solutions in a conversation, you may want to take a step back and focus on whether the person is actually asking for advice or simply asking to be heard. When we do provide advice, sometimes it is based on what we would do for ourselves through the lens of our own experiences. Our advice doesn’t take into account the other person’s perspective. Strategy – You can ask the other person what they need or how best to support them- are they looking for advice/ solutions or someone to listen and feel heard?
• Positivity- We often want the other person to feel better and to ease their pain and sometimes we will use positive statements such as, “you have so much to be grateful for”, “it’s not a big deal”, or “think good thoughts”. However, when we sprinkle overly positive words, not only are we not allowing the other person to share their feelings, we are dismissing them by telling them how they should feel. It is not realistic to be overly positive and happy about every experience in life. We want to be able to experience all our emotions, not just the ones that are comfortable. In fact, being overly positive can be an avoidance technique to avoid the discomfort of tougher emotions. Strategy- acknowledge and validate the hurt, pain, and tough emotions the other person is feeling. For example, “It’s okay that you feel angry and hurt at this moment.”
• Pressure to perform- Often we put pressure on ourselves to have the perfect response or to say the right thing. We may think that having the best advice, the most thoughtful response, or the most intelligent question to ask makes us really good at conversations. However, the pressure to perform the best in conversations actually makes the task harder. It can be anxiety provoking, less authentic and genuine, just like any other performance. Strategy- Be yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. It’s okay if you don’t know what to say. You can be honest and share that. Say something like, “I’m not sure what to say at this moment, but I can keep listening.”

As you reflect on how you show up in conversations, you can take a couple of these strategies to try out in your upcoming conversations. Any communication skill requires practice to refine just like any other skill. Be patient with yourself and continue to build on strategies while you are being mindful of your own contributions. 

As Dale Carnegie once said, “To be interesting, be interested.”

Bookends are meant to hold your books in place, keeping them upright, and aligned.

What are the bookends to your day that help you stay grounded, aligned, and resilient?   

Starting your day can include intention:

How do you want to show up today?
What vibe do you want to have?
What is your hope for the day? 

And, 

Ending your day can include some reflection:

What was a feel-good moment?
What are you grateful for today?
What can you release before the day ends?

Change can be difficult. There is often the element of the unknown and the discomfort that comes with change. We may feel some unstable footing in stepping from our comfort zone to something new and unfamiliar. Whatever change we may be thinking about in life, whether it be in lifestyle, career, family, or habits, we often fall short on the follow through and taking consistent action. 

Sometimes we know what we need to do to achieve the goal we want. For example, the foods we need to eat, the activity we need to pursue, the conversation we need to have, the action we need to take, or the thing we need to stop. Yet, taking action can be the hardest part. The motivation can be the toughest first step. Thinking about the consistent follow-through that is needed for the change to occur can be daunting.

Fear and unpredictability are reasons we may want to stay where we are and avoid the change. We may feel a sense of loss because we may have to give something up for the change to occur. For example, giving up time with family or friends to make time for a new activity. By reflecting on what is keeping you from the change you would like to make, you can look at why the change you desire is important or meaningful to you, and consider the payoff that may occur with the discomfort. 

It may be helpful to look at the obstacles standing in the way of change.

Reflect on: 

What are the benefits of staying in the current situation and what are the benefits of changing?
What is keeping you where you are?
What might you be fearful of with change?
Is the fear of change greater than the desire of the outcome?
What do you feel you might have to give up or lose when the change occurs?

The value of  human life has been at the forefront of this pandemic. Perhaps you have been in survival mode for a number of months, maybe you have oscillated between thriving and surviving, or maybe during this pandemic you have had many grateful and insightful moments. Nonetheless it has been a time like never before. Whatever your experience(s) during this time, the pandemic has challenged the way we do things as individuals, families, communities, society and the global world. 

Here are some questions to reflect on, things to ponder, or journal about for 2021: 

• 1. What does health and well-being mean to you? 
  2. How do you take care of your time? 
  3. What does connection with yourself and others look like? 
  4. What moments have been the most meaningful? 
  5. What is your intention for 2022?